Shakespeare does rugby…and a flanker by any other name at that!

There are no more humans.

Finally, robotic beings rule the world

The humans are dead

The humans are dead

We used poisonous gases

And we poisoned their asses

The humans are dead The humans are dead

The humans are dead They look like they're dead

It had to be done I'll just confirm that they're dead

So that we could have fun

Affirmative. I poked one.

It was dead.

Humans Are Dead - Flight of the Conchords

It's true...Shakespeare does rugby.

Not quite in the same way that Debbie did Dallas but Bambi Woods doesn't really have a place in a blog essentially, but not exclusively, about all things Coventry Rugby.

If she did, then I'm guessing the number of followers would increase exponentially overnight.

Might be worth seeing if I can squeeze her in somewhere, so-to-speak.

Perhaps it's appropriate to mention here that this post, whilst certainly rugby related, is one of those that's not specifically about Cov. However, before you close the screen and begin undertaking a Google search on Bambi Woods, keep persevering with it as I hope it will prove both enlightening and entertaining, especially to those of my generation who might not be up to speed with all matters (or any, in my case) pertaining to artificial intelligence.

And besides, Google's own 'Safe Search' features might well preclude you from viewing any inappropriate images resulting from said search.

You might have heard mention in the national press in recent days of an app that is currently taking the internet by storm, a 'chatbot' no less.

And whilst you might not be familiar with chatbots, you will certainly have come across them when dealing with many of the larger companies online - for instance, when you type in a question and get a series of automated responses depending on what it is you ask. Phone companies and utilities use them as a way of cutting down on manned helplines.

In short, a chatbot is a 'computer program that simulates and processes human conversation (either written or spoken), allowing humans to interact with digital devices as if they were communicating with a real person'.

But chatbots are far more sophisticated than just glorified call centres. In a recent exercise, the most widely used version, ChatGPT, apparently bettered nine in ten humans who sat their bar exams to become a lawyer.

According to the owners of Chatbot, the latest version, GPT-4, can 'read' and respond to a 25000 word document, summarising it in a matter of seconds.

So much for the theory...

...in practice the version of Chatbot that is available online for anyone to download/use isn't quite so powerful, although it's still enough for most tasks the average user could ask of it.

And here's where Shakespeare comes into all this (and thanks to my son, Sam, for this). Not only did it explain the difference between open and blindside flankers, it did so in the style of William Shakespeare, producing the passage below in just 4 or 5 seconds.

The only instruction Sam inputted was: 'What us the difference between an openside and blind side flanker. Write it in the style of a poem written by Shakespeare. You can use multiple verses.'

Oh, to be a flanker on the field,

A warrior fierce with strength untamed.

But know ye, there are two kinds of yield,

One blind, one open, each with a different name.

The blind side flanker, clad in raiment stout,

A guardian of the weaker flank,

He shields the ball, lest foes steal it out,

And ev'ry tackle he does heartily thank.

But hark! The open side, he has a task,

No less important than the other, no.

He roams the field, a madman's mask,

And like his prey, he seeks to overthrow.

For he's the one who fetches the ball,

That precious egg, so coveted so.

And once it's his, he holds it tall,

And runs to glory, bright as a rainbow.

So now ye know the difference, clear and true,

Tho' both be flankers, yet each wields a different blade.

One shields, the other runs and picks up his due,

And thus be praised, each by his own rightful trade.

I did something similar, only this time instructing the programme to explain the difference between a loosehead and a tighthead prop in the style of the Bible. It came up with this, again in a matter of seconds:

And lo, there were two types of prop on the rugby pitch. The first was known as the tight head prop, for he was steadfast and immovable as a mountain. He locked his arms around the opposition's loose head prop, and held firm against any onslaught.

The loose head prop was the other type, and he was more free-spirited and nimble than his counterpart. He was swift on his feet, and he used his agility to outmanoeuvre the tight head prop and gain an advantage in the scrum.

And the Lord looked down upon these two warriors of the rugby field, and He saw that they were both good. For the tight head prop was the foundation of strength and stability, and the loose head prop was the spark of creativity and innovation.

And the Lord said unto His people, "Verily, I say unto you, both of these props are necessary for the game to be played. For the tight head prop is the cornerstone of the scrum, and the loose head prop is the flare of excitement that lights up the field."

And so it was that the tight head prop and the loose head prop were forever linked in the great game of rugby, each one complementing the other and working together to achieve victory.

The programme will write anything from postgraduate dissertations on the most obscure aspects of quantum physics to, well, errr....the above. But it's the potential of it that is so mind-blowing. The newest version can code a website from just a simple drawing or act as a tutor, teaching the human participant how to solve a complex equation.

The ramifications for education, both in schools and in the tertiary level, are enormous. I can well recall in my final year as a sixth form head being told by the exam boards that they were already developing software to spot coursework that had been taken from a different source, and that was back in 2013/14. But this has taken things to a whole new level.

However, according to the AI developers, the system is still not without its problems, with occasional instances of the programme 'hallucinating' as they call it, confidently making up facts along with reasoning errors.

Personally, I've got away with that for years. Still.

If you fancy giving it a go, the app can be downloaded from the usual providers and can be used either on Apple or Android devices

Without doubt, in its current form, Chatbot is but a glimpse into what could well be a pretty dystopian future and we should all feel a little concerned by the direction in which we are being taken.

Whilst the examples I've given are harmless in themselves, there is something a little too Orwellian in the concept behind it for my liking.

Will we all eventually become subservient to technology, rather than masters of it as we now are...?

It's a question that needs asking, and is the reason why I've chosen Flight of the Conchords to accompany this post. I could have easily gone with Connie Francis' 'Robot Man', but in the end 'Humans Are Dead' might be closer to the truth.

Still makes me chuckle, though.

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